It's hard

I don't know if I will ever find anyone.  I'm 31 years old, and by myself, and right now I choose to be, but like my ex used to say, "You'll never find someone that will be with you because you're sick."  I didn't think this was entirely true, but maybe it is.  How is someone going to want to date me with this "thing" in my arm.  Even my roommate said last time that it's good it's out so you can start dating :(  Why can't someone just love me for the way that I am?  I don't know, people are different out here.  It's even hard to make friends.  But, it's even hard for my family to understand.  I don't have much support there, except for my grandmother, Nanny <3 I mean, if they can't understand, how will someone else?  My mom doesn't even call me like ever.  Yes, recently we had a falling out, but things have been horrible for quite a while.  I'm sorry, but what kind of mother, doesn't even call her daughter after a concussion & all this for that matter, and never calls anyways.  Didn't see her or talk to her for years, whatever, guess I just need to execpt that this is always the way things will be.  But, it's just so hard to do that.  I've always wanted a relationship with her, and always tried so hard, but I don't have the strength anymore, or the emotions.  It's too much for me to handle, even just writing this brings tears to my eyes.  I don't know what it's like to have a supportive family.  I know a lot of you do out there, hold them tight.  I am on the west coast, and my family and friends are on the east.   I don't really have anyone out here.  I take care of myself, worry about myself, and do all this by myself, and it's hard...